How Couples Met in the US Over a Period! Does this Scenario Reflect India as Well? What Are the Learnings and Messages for You?

Dear Friends,

Stanford University and Statista published an interesting article on how couples have met over the years. These samples are from the US or Western society, but there are some lessons for Indian society as well. In the 1930s, meeting points were as follows: Family 22%, School 22%, Friends 18%, Neighbours 11%, Church 10%, College 3%, and so on. After 50 years (1980), Friends took the lead with 26%, while Family dropped to 14%, Bar/Restaurant 14%, Coworkers 14%, School 10%, and Church decreased to 5%. Exactly 30 years later (2010), Friends remained at 24%, Online interactions increased to 21%, Family decreased to 8%, College 6%, and Church 4%. As of 2024, Online connections have surged to 60%, Friends 13%, Coworkers 8%, Bar/Restaurant 4%, Family 4%, School 3%, Church 2%, Neighbours 1%, and College 0.7%.

This trend may be intriguing to some but concerning to many. Every social scientist should take note. In 2000, Online was at its lowest at 4%, while the Church was second-lowest at 5%. By 2024, Online has become the top method, while the Church remains in the lower bracket. These trends challenge traditional family systems, friendships, schools, colleges, churches, and restaurants! The rapid growth of online interactions is astonishing.

The National Library of Medicine published an article (PMID: 30135799) on online intimacy and well-being in the digital age. The research is still inconclusive. While online intimacy is acknowledged, its impact on well-being remains underexplored.

Though this data is based on Western contexts, similar trends might be emerging in India, especially with the rise of online matrimonial platforms. Surprisingly, the role of family, friends, temples, and shared philosophies is diminishing. Ideally, these factors help build strong and often lasting connections. While not infallible, they have stood the test of time in our cultural system.

While technology provides new opportunities for connection, maintaining strong community and family ties remains crucial. Social institutions, including families, religious groups, and educational institutions, may need to adapt to support healthy relationship formation in the digital age. This kind of education is needed now more than ever.

How can families help? It is a collective responsibility to nurture relationships. How can religious institutions help? Faith provides support, offering detachment and mental comfort when relationships become strained. The concept of Karma—the principle of cause and effect, where a person's actions (the cause) influence their future (the effect)—is a belief shared by all schools of Indian philosophy. Institutions should focus on teaching these principles even more than modern education.

It’s important to recognize that no relationship can be perfect—this is not practical. If a relationship is based on wealth, status, beauty, or health, it becomes more complicated as all four are temporary and will fade over time. However, when a relationship is built on shared philosophy, family connections, or strong principles and values, even when strained, it is less likely to impact the individuals negatively. Karma theory provides a foundation for resilience.

Virtual bonds may spark the flame, but deeper roots outshine the game!

Views are personal

Ravi Saripalle

Brilliance vs. Reliability: Which is More Important in the Contemporary World?

Dear Friends,

 

Recently, the famous Hindi actor Sunil Shetty shared a post reflecting on the value of reliability over raw talent or brilliance, drawing from his experiences in the film industry and the business world.

 

Shetty provided personal examples of long-standing relationships with team members who have been with him for over 30 years: Parshu, who manages his personal affairs; Kiran Dada, his makeup artist; Ashok, who handles his accounts and taxes; Kanta, who runs operations in his offices; and Muchhad, his former driver who now looks after his farmhouse.

 

In today’s world, brilliance is often rewarded, but the quiet power of consistently showing up and delivering is underrated. This is reflected in many areas. Forbes published an article on “What kind of characteristics, what kind of personal qualities, in the aggregate, are most valuable?” The answer is reliability over brilliance. Brilliant, difficult employees often consume a lot of management time. In a twist on the old "80-20 rule" (where 80% of your business is said to come from 20% of your customers), the author found that they spent 80% of their time on 20% of their employees—and they weren’t the calm, collaborative, easy-going, reliable ones.

 

However, today, this notion is slowly fading. Of course, brilliance is needed to some extent in every organization. However, it should be utilized according to need. Thanks to technology, brilliance can be acquired as a service. Organizations can buy that service, but they need a reliable team to sustain it. Hence, reliability becomes more important.

This issue extends beyond organizations—it has also crept into family systems. Parents appreciate their children’s brilliance while they pursue degrees, but it often loses value afterward. Today, in the context of marriage, if a boy or girl is reliable, this quality is often overlooked. Brilliance takes precedence in selecting a bride or groom, yet this model has proven to fail over time.

 

Rahul Dravid is known as “Mr. Dependable” in Indian cricket. In the 2004 India vs. Pakistan Test Match, Rahul Dravid played a 270-ball inning over almost 12 hours. Can you imagine playing for 12 hours straight? In the history of Test matches, no Indian batsman had ever played an inning that long. He is known as the "Wall" of cricket. For most of his career, Dravid was considered to be in Sachin’s shadow. However, he proved himself as a true gentleman and a complete test cricketer. This is the power of reliability.

 

Consider these scenarios:

 

• Would you buy a car that can reach 150 km per hour but whose engine fails frequently, or one that goes 50 km per hour but never fails?

 

• Would you invest in an asset that offers a 40% return but might plunge into negative territory, or one that offers a consistent 6% return over the long term?

 

• Would you take a job with the highest package, but with the risk of being laid off anytime, or one with a lower package but long-term stability?

 

• Would you board a train that is always on time, or a flight with unpredictable arrival times?

 

Today’s society is divided by these questions. One generation prioritizes risk over reward.

 

"Facts from paper are not the same as facts from people. The reliability of the people giving you the facts is as important as the facts themselves." – Harold Geneen.

 

What is your priority? Brilliance or reliability?

 

Ravi Saripalle

Decoding Stress! The struggle between Ambition and Anxiety! Embracing Ubuntu!

Dear Friends,

One of my acquaintances is preparing for a postgraduate medical seat, and it's clear that the journey is becoming more stressful. While getting an MBBS seat today is relatively easier than 20 years ago, pursuing a postgraduate degree and sustaining a career as a doctor is increasingly stressful. According to the National Task Force on Mental Health and Well-being of Medical Students 2024, released by the NMC, an alarming 27.8% of undergraduate and 15.3% of postgraduate medical students have voluntarily reported being diagnosed with a mental health disorder. Additionally, 84% of PG medical students experience moderate to very high-stress levels, and 64% say that the workload negatively impacts their mental health (The Hindu, August 16, 2024).

There are various reasons for this stress. Financial strain is a significant factor, and many students also fear failure. These findings highlight the immense academic pressure medical students face.

By the time most students complete their MBBS, they are around 22-23 years old, and many spend an additional 2-3 years preparing for a PG seat. The success rate is low, with only 5 out of every 100 MBBS doctors securing a PG seat. By the time they complete their postgraduate studies, they are often 27-28 years old, followed by years of searching for job opportunities, getting married, and settling down, which can take another 3-4 years. This entire process places immense pressure on them.

Unless a child is truly passionate about becoming a doctor, parents should avoid pressuring them into taking up BiPC. One parent mentioned that their son joined BiPC simply because he feared math. However, parents should realize that every career path has its challenges. There is no perfect path unless career planning is done using the Heads-Smart, Heart-Smart, Hands-Smart, or Heels-Smart framework (http://www.linkedin.com/.../ravisaripalle_career.../).

As we approach World Mental Health Day on October 10, it's important to note that WHO estimates 15% of working-age adults suffer from a mental disorder at any given time. Depression and anxiety cost the global economy an estimated $1 trillion per year, largely due to lost productivity.

If someone claims they have never experienced depression or anxiety, they are likely fooling themselves. We all go through difficult times—some during education, others during marriage, while raising children, managing jobs, dealing with finances, or facing health challenges. Prolonged exposure to these stresses can lead to mental health disorders.

Recently, a famous cricketer took an extreme step after battling severe depression and anxiety for two years. He was in his early fifties. Growth isn’t always possible at every moment in life, and though we all understand this, we often act differently. It’s crucial to leverage our skills and talents, but going against our natural abilities can lead to significant stress.

I recently came across this thought-provoking message on LinkedIn: “An anthropologist proposed a game to children in an African tribe. He placed a fruit basket near a tree and told them that whoever reached it first would win the sweet fruits. When he gave the signal to run, the children held hands and ran together. They sat down and shared the treats. When asked why they did this when one could have won all the fruits, they replied, 'Ubuntu. How can one of us be happy if all the others are sad?' In their culture, Ubuntu means: 'I am because we are.' This tribe has preserved the secret of happiness that many so-called 'civilized' societies have lost."

Let us practice Ubuntu.

Ravi Saripalle